It was the best of blurbs, it was the worst of blurbs...
Haven't we all picked up a book at one time or another and based our decision on whether to purchase it or not, on the blurb? That tiny condensation of the gist of the tome; that sneak preview into what we should very well expect from the book, is certainly a factor that personally features high on my list of reasons to go with one book in preference to another, or not, (although it must be said that author and genre do feature higher than the copy on the back cover / inside dust jacket).
All those 'done to death' introductions that were tried, fried and rehashed several thousand more times in the eighties are certainly a turn-off for me now. I don't care if Sharphaven 'was just another sleepy New England town' and I care even less if it is followed by the word 'until'. I truly believe that the majority of back cover copy is churned out by a 'blurb generator', a weird steam-powered contraption that has been in use constantly since the early 1950's and hasn't yet run out of clichés.
Here are just a few opening lines from back cover blurbs that this mechanised menace has churned out. Followed by one you can complete yourself by just filling in the blank prompt boxes.
Ex-SAS operative and now, MI5 special agent, Marcus Griffin has forgotten more about warfare than has been written...etc, etc...
(No, he hasn't! The premise itself is patently preposterous! If it were even part-way true Marcus Griffin would be suffering from the worst case of PTSD-induced amnesia on record and would hardly be the best candidate to be put in charge of aspects appertaining to national security would he..?)
Haunted by guilt after a terrible family tragedy, Writer Marcus Griffin turns his back on the world and vows to write one last book before retiring...etc, etc...
(Hello?! You want to avoid terrible family tragedies? Then don't become a writer, obviously, considering the world appears to populated by the unluckiest bunch of professionals that ever put pen to paper; and besides as everyone knows, writers don't retire they just get remaindered...)
Marcus Griffin wasn't like other boys. Given special powers by a powerful...etc, etc...
(Really? We know where this one is going before the end of the opening sentence. Give us something original and not some half-assed boy-wizard half-human hybrid seeking revenge on a dark shape-shifting necromancer. You'd think with all those special powers something unique could be conjured up instead of the lame shit that keeps being churned out time and time again...)
When attractive archaeologist Christina Fellatio discovers a mysterious artefact buried in a ruined ancient city...etc, etc...
(Yawn! How many mysterious artefacts are there left to be discovered, seriously? Why do they all possess incredible power and why are they all protected by secretive, shadowy cabals? The only thing missing from this formulaic blurb is the appearance of... Oh, no, wait... Here he is...)
'Only ex-SAS operative Marcus Griffin can save her...'
(Yeah, yeah, he had to pop up somewhere...Though with his memory loss I'm surprised he could remember the way...)
Beautiful, sophisticate Christina Fellatio had never considered being a sub to a multi-billionaire dom before, that is until...
(Oil tycoon Marcus Griffin tied her to a four poster bed and brought her to brink of an earth-shattering orgasm with only half-a-kilo of lard and a broken chair leg? Yeah, OK. Hmmmmm...)
Now it's your turn!
Create Your Own Blurb
Strange things happen at .................................................... especially when there is a
........................ Sexy ..................... Christina Fellatio is on the hunt for a .................... to be her .................................. So when ex- ............................ Marcus Griffin suddenly appears, it seems her ......................... have come true/been answered* That is, until ................................... Johannes Rictus arrives with his array of ..................................... and faithful, loyal ...................... Soon a ............................... begins that threatens the very ............................. and both ............................ and ................................ find themselves ........................... for their very .........................
*delete as applicable
Seriously though, publishers know that the average attention span of the casual book browser is proportional to the amount of time the browser spends in rapture whilst watching a party political broadcast on behalf of ANY party - about 5.5 seconds. They know that they have so little time to impress that often the first sentence is the deal-clincher. For that reason alone they have the most amazing array of copy editors - skilled in both linguistics and word-weaving - who are able to lay down an excellent introductory line and grab the reader by the literary bollocks.
That's great if you've lined up a five-figure publishing deal where everything, including a goodly proportion of your artistic integrity, is handled and managed by the publishers. But what about those who are self-published? The following are the first lines of blurb from genuine self-published novels.
Janet knew her cat was a special cat, but did not know just how special.
Join Ben on his zany, madcap adventures as a sheep-herder in the dusty, Australian countryside.
How do you solve a murder that is unsolvable? With Tenacity.
No disrespect to any of the authors who thought the above blurbs would help sell their books (and I dare say one, or maybe all of those featured, might be fascinating, incredible reads) but there's no WOW factor there to help hook the browser. When writing a blurb the question every time has to be: What's the hook? Or, put another way: what is it about the book / my book that will make everyone who picks it up, want to buy it, take it home, read it and tell their friends about it?
Use power words in the first sentance.
What's a power word? Go into your nearest bookshop and take a look at the blurb in their current best-sellers section. You'll find plenty of them there and almost all commercially published books will use attention-grabbing words in the first sentence. Make a list of the words that draw your attention. Which ones are intriguing? Fascinating? Alluring? Stimulating? Make a list and utilise the ones that work best with your story.
Sure, some books have / rely on a fabulous cover photograph / design / illustration. Others just rely on the blurb, and there are a few out there with a combination of both. Is your cover strong enough to sell the book? Yes? Then that's the first part of the battle won... But you also have to make sure the blurb is just as powerful. If the answer is no, you have to make sure the blurb compensates for that and is very powerful.
Just as publisher do, self-publishers have to employ the same trickery. Yes, I know your book is fantastic, but you don't have to convince me. You have to convince everyone else, and that in itself is going to take even more thought than the plot of your latest potential best seller.
